Becoming a Mom

Okay okay, I know this will sound cliche but becoming a mom for the first time is one of the most transformative experiences you can have. It’s a time full of joy, fear, humor and love.

The first few weeks and honestly months, after my daughter was born, were a blur of sleepless nights and constant (think every 2 hours for 25 minutes at a time plus some) feedings. I remember looking at my husband in a dazed and confused state with pleading eyes asking him how we were going to survive. He would reassure me that we were going to be okay, in the most annoying man/dad way, “you’ll be okay”. *insert bombastic side eye here* But all I could think about was how many hours of sleep I had missed out on, how my boobs and nipples were SO incredibly sore, how I hadn’t showered in a week, how witching hour happened every day at 6:30pm and the list probably went on and on.

And then there were the days when I thought I had it all under control. My daughter would be fed, changed, and sleeping soundly, and I would think to myself, “I’ve got this.” Usually short-lived because about 25-35 minutes later, she would wake up crying, and I would be back to square one.

But amidst all the chaos, there were also moments of pure hilarity and pure bliss. Like the time my daughter had a blowout in the movie theater (TWICE) and I had to change her diaper as I missed an action-packed scene of Avatar. Or on the flip side, the day we took a bath together and just sat in each other’s presence with tears streaming down my cheeks because I’d never felt a love like this.

Before my daughter was born, I had all these preconceived notions about what being a mom would be like. In fact, growing up I wanted nothing more than to be a mom one day. *sorry Brandon* but I envisioned myself more with a baby than with a husband when I was little LOL.

I also thought with the right methods, schedules, etc. that I would be able to get her to sleep through the night by 4 months, that I would have extra time to myself during her naps, and that I would be able to continue to maintain some semblance of a social life. But let me tell you, reality set in real fast. I did not get her to sleep through the night (she’s currently at 1 wake up though, and I’ll take that!), I did not have any extra time during naps because my baby loves to contact nap, and social life? She and I aren’t on good terms. haha BUT I will say I’ve made some cool mom friends and my best friends back at home who I do try to make time for.

As the weeks turned into months, I began to settle into my new role as a mom. My daughter started sleeping for longer stretches, and I started to figure out a routine that worked for us. And while there are still moments of chaos and confusion, contact napping and crying, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. At the end of the day when she looks up at me with her brown eyes all of the chaos and confusion dwindle away into pure bliss.

xo, alex marie

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